You Are the Shoe

Why the fear of "when's the other shoe gonna drop" is your mind lying to you, and what's actually happening inside your nervous system when it offers you that thought

David and I (David is my phenomenal husband) just started working with a new wealth advisory firm. We are committed to taking our money and our legacy to the next level, not just glancing at bank statements, actually intentionally planning, building and expanding our relationship with wealth.

Yesterday was our third session and after we were done, I knew I needed to come share this with you. Important understanding - David has carried money fear and scarcity for most of his life. So as a result, I intentionally start these meetings grounding us, and signaling safety to our nervous systems before we start diving into the numbers, because money conversations do not land anywhere useful in a dysregulated body.

At the end of this particular session, we’re still on Zoom, and David says to me, in the presence of our wealth advisor, “Tray, there’s something I want to talk to you about. I’m actually starting to feel better and safer with all of this. I see the numbers. I see the evidence. It’s indisputable. But now my mind is offering me the craziest thing, this new thought that sounds like, when’s the other shoe gonna drop.”

Now, queen, I have heard that exact fear based thought, that exact flavor of it, from more women than I can count.

Here’s what I walked David through when he shared that. (And yes the same applies to you)

“Babe, remember, in your old identity, you have emotional addictions. We all do. For you, fear was one, insecurity was another. As you evolve, as your nervous system reimprints, the old identity is not going to go quietly. It dies hard. So now, as you’re starting to feel safer, as you’re feeling closer to ease around money and wealth and feeling safe in being rich, your system is only going to tolerate that new feeling for so long before it tries to pull you back and reaffirm what has always been more familiar to it. And one of the ways your system does that is by using your mind to drive limited thinking, thinking that pulls you back into familiarity, that pulls you back and reaffirms the old identity, that affirms the emotional addictions of who you used to be.

So, isn’t it convenient that your mind is offering you ‘when’s the other shoe gonna drop’, right when things start to feel good, when it hasn’t felt that fear and insecurity in a while.”

As soon as David’s system realized, oh shit, we haven’t felt fear and insecurity in a little while, it then realized it’s in the unknown, and unknown means imminent threat. Which means, oh no, he might die. I’ve got to do something to get him to feed that addiction, I need to feel the familiar again. So it offered him that thought. And it’s offering you that thought too.

“When is the other shoe going drop” is a fear based thought that keeps affirming fear, worry, insecurity and anxiety and driving behaviors like overworking, overfunctioning, hustle, constantness, and scarcity.

Phew - yeah I know - all of that from one little electrical impulse, one little thought.

Here’s the other fascinating thing about the mind. It does what it thinks you want it to do, which is why you can never leave your thoughts unattended.

If David wasn’t married to me and had he not brought this up to be coached, he would have attached to that thought. He would have believed that thought. (In believing that thought, that’s the directive his mind uses) Then the mind goes, oh great, I know the direction we’re thinking in, and it offers the next thought that affirms the same emotion. So the next thought becomes, “see, I told you it was too good to be true.” Then, “ugh, are we gonna be able to sustain this?” “The tax bill’s gonna be too big next year, are we gonna be able to afford it?” And boom, just like that, he’s affirming the old identity and swimming in fear, insecurity, and scarcity.

Please hear me: Your mind is the most untrustworthy part of the entire neurobiological show.

It is so important to become the version of yourself who doesn’t believe a thought she thinks, who knows she is not her mind. You’re the being with the mind. Thoughts are options, not facts.

The ultimate truth about that particular fear-based thought, “When is the other shoe going to drop?” is that it’s an absolute lie.

The shoe is not going to drop, because you are the shoe. When you recognize that you’re the common denominator, the creator, the cause of the effect, you realize you have all the power. You realize you are the shoe.

More love,
Tracy